"strawberries & cigarettes" troye sivan

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Assalamualaikum. today's writing is a bit cringey but I'll try to keep going okayyy hehehehek.
hm first off, this time, this post is dedicated more towards someone. I absolutely have zero idea on whether or not the person I dedicated this writing to would read this but, it's worth a shot since I'm too much of  a coward to write it personally to the person. and I dont want to affect any of his moments anymore with my unnecessary presence, sooo here I go.

alright let's start with a lil bit of the story. long story but lemme shorten it. I like this person so I confessed but it didn't work out. we did had a 'thing' few years back but as always, mekya being mekya, I did what I've always done when someone got too close; I pushed him away and we kinda drifted apart. but now it didn't work out hahahaha. maleh nak crita panjang soo---

alright- let's go back to recently, he said what he said and I totally understand & respect it. yet, as he wasnt sure, I still kinda wanted to see this thing work out so I kinda ask him to give us a chance and maybe follow the flow. see maybe we could have progress. but that was a mistake!

some days after, as if it was fate broooo--- I came across some stuffs that was reaaaally eye opening and it gave me soooo much calmness baby you have no idea-- I mean-- God.... so magically relatable dowwhh... alright I dont want to share sangat la what I've found but ever since, I realised lots of things.

one; I like him. I do. but I like myself better :) so it's wise not to further torture myself in a situation I am not comfortable with.

two; maybe I wasnt even sure myself. maybe it's a sign that both of us arent ready. both of us were not totally sure. so yea... rather than leading things to where they are not supposed to be, we better be off without one another. maybe after all, it's for the best of us :)

three; this is a farewell. a proper goodbye. if you are reading this, you know who you are and with this, I bid goodbye. from now on we are not tied or burdened with each other. I wish you lead your life happily and I'll do the same. if we're really meant for each other, no matter how far the distance between us, no matter how indifferent we are with each other now, we'll come back. IF it is so. but if it's not, I wish you nothing but abundant of joy and happiness in your life, and may you be surrounded by people who love you most sincerely. may you have a wonderful adventure out there. and thank you... a tremendous thank you I wish for everything.

four; about the 'thing' I said I'm giving you; following your advice, I decided not to put effort in it. if they were really meant for you, it will reach you for sure. maybe next year or next month or 10 years to come? soon or later or never? I don't know. you don't know. only God knows. deep in my heart, no matter what happens between us, I hope the gift reach you but maybe not now. in time, maybe.

hm alright. I think that's all. hahahaha. thank you for reading my 'layan perasaan' punya writing. and to the person, I'm sorry it's this way but it has to be this way. ya Allah please la baca ni I really don't want to do it any other way. I sincerely wish you happiness no matter where you are :)

p/s: I reaaaally hope we can go back to where things were casual. bahasakan diri aku kau mu aku aku engko or whatever. where things were not as complicated as it is now. hm. if you dont want that pom, it's okay. at the end of the day, you decide who you're keeping in your life :)

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