buat jiwa yang sedang berusaha

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Assalamualaikum!

I've been thinking of updating since last December , masyaAllah now dah almost mid January hahaha. anyway, I think it's not too late to wish you all Happiest New Year!! Moga resolusi-resolusi tahun ini buat kalian, jiwa-jiwa yang sedang berusaha, kesemuanya dipermudahkan Tuhan dan dijamin kesuksesannya HAHAHAHA idek what I'm saying but yknow what I mean right.

Last year maybe one of the most meaningful years I've ever had in my whole life. Tahun saya berjaya grad, tahun pkp kedua yg mengajar saya lebih banyak mengenal diri sendiri, physical and mentally, and one of my fav but saddest moments- watching my one and only kakak diijab kabul sekaligus welcoming a new member of the family. Then antara my fav moments juga was when I know my posting result. hahahaha the moment I knew the result, my feelings were as neutral as possible. Check kat website JPN Johor tu keluar result, I felt nothing. nak kata happy sangat tak jugak, sedih? kecewa? not at all. maybe that time I was just grateful that after months of waiting, that day we got the answer.

Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal, but what I was grateful the most about the whole thing is that Tuhan pinjamkan saya kekuatan to not feel upset or anything the moment I knew. some of my friends ada yang menangis-nangis, sangat disappointed, in which all and all were very valid and it's totally okay to feel so. I can't say I fully understand cause I never will, as I would never be in their place. Cuma saya boleh katakan yg ianya normal and valid. Me saying that I don't feel upset DOES NOT makes me better or stronger than any of them. cara penerimaan kita sahaja yg berbeza, in which takde yg okay or not okay. I'm just saying yg berbezanya kita, saya diberi sedikit kekuatan untuk tak berasa terlalu sedih.

And to be very honest, few days after knowing the result, whilst preparing for everything, I felt excited sebab dah terlalu lama stayed home and now leaving to start a new phase of life. Perasaan excited yang sama saya rasakan masa mula-mula tahu I got accepted to IPBA dulu, sebelum sebulan kemudian menangis-nangis homesick yg sampai sakit-sakit and almost every night crying myself to bed LMAOOO HAHAHAHA. makanya, do not bash me for having this feeling cause tho I pray that it's not temporary, I'm sure 2 3 months to come rasa la homesick nih. Haritu time naik bas pun dah teresak-esak sendirian HAHAHAHA.

SO, today is Thursday, penutup hari buat minggu pertama saya menjalankan tugas as an official educator, I just wanna say ALHAMDULILLAH. sungguhnya saya bersyukur seadanya with the school I got, the environment, the pentadbir, my senior teachers, the students are all very fairly good, (so far lah but InsyaAllah moga-moga good buat selamanya ;)) first day sampai tu dah di greet dengan penuh excited oleh akak-akak sini for which I will remember and be grateful for forever. trust me, first day is always hard so bila ada yg sambut dengan penuh warm and welcoming I rasa nak nangis terharu and too gratefully happy. and to slowly learn to teach, adapting, so far has been great. doakan hari-hari kedepan pun saya baik-baik saja, InsyaAllah.

itu cerita saya setakat ini, saya doakan buat jiwa yg sedang berusaha, just remember hari ini kita berusaha keras untuk hari ketenangan di hadapan, and it's coming. moga Tuhan melihat usahanya dan ganjarankan sesuatu yg baik buat kamu. InsyaAllah, <3

See you soon!

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